Ercille I. Christmas

Never Let a 'Serious Crisis Go to Waste'...But Waste a Country?
August 12, 2009

Once upon a time, in a galaxy too close for comfort, the inhabitants in "Galaxy Land,” who had been rolling along enjoying what they could of their ordinary lives, woke up to the news that their orb was in danger of falling out of the sky, if they did not agree to a gigantic galaxian bailout of financial institutions "too big to fail.’ Galaxians did not bat an eye. The way this bailout was being calculated, it would be the next few generations paying for this. Good. This would build character and be a teachable moment for those young uns. Bring it on!

Astride his steed, a striking black and white stallion, came a "savior” who promised, via a teleprompter, to prompt the nation into recovery. He made such an impression, especially when compared to the "tired white male” who was his opponent in the Galaxian presidential elections, that he caused at least one reporter to feel a "tingle” running up/down the leg. This reporter wasn’t even female.

"Sir Spends a lot,” as he would later come to be known, convinced millions of Galaxians to vote for him, as he attempted to "transform” the Galaxy. With tingles running up/down legs, tears of joy running down cheeks, drunk on "hope,” Galaxians complied. They had a good feel about "the (anointed) one.” He had experienced advisors, a good stock of teleprompters, and a proven political system, some described as the "Chicago way.” He was unstoppable. One advisor seeing a golden (goose) opportunity, counseled him: "Never let a serious crisis go to waste.” He listened. He acted. He turned every situation into a "serious crisis.” There was no waste...of crises.

While his predecessors had "ambled” through the first one hundred days in office, he made them look like slackers, as he rushed through quite a few measures in the first one hundred hours. Executive orders began raining down from Mount Galaxian. First "Sir Spends A Lot,” looked at the island paradise, a prison known as "Galaxian Bay,” where suspected, wannabe and possibly actual terrorists were basking in the sunlight, exercising to build muscle, and praying. It was yet to be determined if they were exercising to build muscle for another attack on Galaxians, or praying for wisdom for successfully carrying out such an attack. Galaxians may never know.

"Sir Spends a lot,” hereinafter to be known as Sir SAL, rode in to the rescue. He would free the enemies of the Galaxians from the paradise prison and disperse them around the world. The world had a good chuckle. "Yeah right, do you think that we are stupid?” Two real island paradises did say "yes.” Inquiring minds are still wondering about the size of the bounty paid by Sir SAL.

Sir SAL surveyed his handiwork, and felt that it was good, but he did not rest. Sir SAL sent out word to his knights of the "spendthrift table” that it was his intention to outdo all who came before him and spend, spend, spend, and spend some more! His knights worked overtime to outspend one another to show their fealty to Sir SAL. That cherished seat at his right hand was at stake! They succeeded beyond belief. Galaxy Land spent more in almost 5000 hours of his reign, than had been spent in the two centuries of its existence. "Trillions” became as commonplace as "thousands,’ of dollars.

The stirrings among the people of Galaxy Land, began. Suddenly the "progeny option” of passing on debt to your descendents did not seem so attractive. Some grandpas sitting around with grandsons and granddaughters on their laps, looked into the innocent eyes of the progeny and thought "My God what have I done?”

At one point, Sir SAL traveled down to earth to begin what many Galaxians later dubbed the "Apology Tour.” Some Galaxians at first thought that Sir SAL would be demanding an apology from all of those nations who had benefited from the largess of Galaxian taxpayers, but who thrashed Galaxians at every opportunity. Galaxians were shocked to find out that their "savior” was the one doing the thrashing ,of them, on foreign soil. When they heard themselves described as "arrogant, and derisive,” they thought: "Surely that is not what is on the teleprompter. There must be a malfunction.”

Alas, no malfunction. Their "savior” was pouring out the innermost feelings of his heart, with words well articulated by the teleprompter. Some Galaxians began a revolt- against teleprompters! They were to be banned. Then they discovered that without the prompting from the ‘prompter, their "savior” became almost mute, turned into "Sir Stumbles A Lot.”

What the heck is a Galaxian to do? Galaxians had already bought the "product,” along with the slogans, the hype, and the good press. Suddenly the tingle in the leg, had traveled to the heart and was turning into an irregular heart beat of fear, that the hammer or sickle of "change”- without the promised hope, was going to hit them squarely on the noggin! Galaxians began wondering if they could get a refund on a slightly used "savior,’ and his steed. No takers.

Galaxians thought that they had irregular heart beats? Their tickers began tick tocking furiously when they heard about the "change” in health care. Still their anxiety paled in comparison to the folks on earth who realized that the one outlet that they had for obtaining decent health care, was about to join them in health care hell! Galaxians began an outright rebellion, egged on by the earthlings. The mutterings, which began at the other "changes,” morphed into shouts of disbelief at how Sir SAL and his fellow members of the ruling class, were doing a great imitation of ignoring the concerns of Galaxians. Suddenly townhall meetings, put on by the people’s representatives, ditched their reputation as staid, ill-attended functions. The "heat” was on!

The older the Galaxian, the more the discontent, especially when there was talk about "comparative effectiveness.” This "comparative effectiveness” will pit grandchildren against parents and grandparents. Young Sonny can rest assured that if it comes down to saving his life or grandpa’s, grandpa is on the wrong end of the "comparative effectiveness” tote board. Sonny is safe. He will miss grandpa.

Some of those grandpas and grandmas "stormed” the office of one of the Galaxian Ruling Class (GRC). She promptly demonstrated one of the new areas of "change,” (in the treatment of subject Galaxian), that is now in effect. She called in the law enforcement arm of the GRC to roust the protesting Galaxians. No word yet on the fate of the protestors. At least these protestors are not in that land, on the earth sphere, called Iran....yet.

After Galaxians began bravely speaking out about the eerily socialist-type health care promised "reform,’ especially the "public option,” they suddenly found themselves in danger of being "snitched” on by friends, neighbors, enemies, anyone who felt a duty to the state, to snitch. Those Galaxians who were intimately familiar with existence under less than democratic forms of governments, and had come to Galaxy Land for "liberty,” were particularly perturbed. One Galaxian went on the "snitch line” and turned himself in:

To Whom It May Concern:

As a former Soviet citizen who came here and discovered what true liberty and freedom is, I am shocked and outraged at what I have seen happening in this country over the last six months. I have lived under communism and I know at the very core of my heart what it is.

Need I remind you that you people were hired by the people of the United States of America and swore an oath to PRESERVE and PROTECT the Constitution of the United States of America? How dare you accuse us of being Nazis, and terrorists? As American citizens, we demand the same respect that you give the terrorists who wish to destroy this nation. How dare you treat us with the contempt that you show us by treating us as the enemy of this nation? Do remember what happened to the Czars of Russia. They were overthrown by the people.

While it has yet to happen, understand, the American people because of their belief in all things that are good and righteous, have always done things that no other nation has done. We have demonstrated that liberty is an unalienable right, freedom brings prosperity and while we may have been asleep at the wheel, thanks to your attempts, we have woken up. The giant may have been caught with his pants down, but we are wide awake and are not as stupid, nor are we as ignorant as you arrogantly think we are. This has been the mistake of all despots who have tried to destroy this nation. You are now attempting to forcibly shut us down by eliminating our First Amendment Rights that are guaranteed under law by the Constitution of the United States of America and you will have a fight on your hands. We have been a free people and in less than 200 years become the greatest nation in the history of World Civilization. The world’s history is made up of despots, and they, as history records, have always been defeated.

So, in conclusion, please take my email address and look to see if you can find me. I will not be signing my name boldly, for one reason only. As a former Marxist, I know how lazy and unproductive you people are and that your only way to success is through embellishment, deceit, and wealth is procured through theft of the efforts of other people who work hard and actually achieve something. Therefore I am going to make it so that you must work to find me. You will need to put some effort into knowing my name and where I live. As a very good friend of mine stated, game on. So, in closing I will simply sign my name in code.

Vladimir

"Vlad” travelled all the way from earth to Galaxy Land. He is not about to "go back to the future.” He has "been there, and done that.”

Vlad, meet Edgar Allan Poe. Think of yourself as the protagonist/hero, and the raven as "healthcare,” the proposed version floating around the orb.

Quoth the raven, "Nevermore.”

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!