On Mother's Day last month, I was the recipient of amazingly chivalrous acts from two boys who are under 12-years of age. Since then, I have not been the same!

 

On that Sunday, all the ladies of my church were given a rose in honor of the day. I took my rose and left to teach my Sunday-school class. At the end of the class, one of my students approached me and asked: "May I remove the thorns from your rose?"

 

I almost froze in my tracks, both from the unexpectedness of his gesture and the young age of my new "knight in shining armor." I had never before had such an offer. While there have been people who wanted to add thorns to my roses, no one ever wanted to remove them.

 

“Of course,” I stammered. Olumide carefully removed the thorns and handed me the rose, stating "Now you can handle the rose, without getting pricked." His message was too late! My heart had already been "pricked" with joy and awe!

Another student, Latimer, held my jacket and handed me my purse. I floated down the steps of my church thinking that there is hope for the much-maligned male species after all!

 

Some friends have told me that modern young men – especially young black men – are so confused about what is expected of them, that they have just about given up in even trying to understand how to treat women. Even I had been bemoaning the lack of male chivalry, agreeing with a former male coworker that this exquisite etiquette was on "life support."

 

But in less than two minutes, two young gentlemen lovingly resuscitated the chivalry of old.

So what do these acts of kindness have to do with Father's Day? To me, they serve as a reminder of the importance that fathers have in the lives of their children. Quite frankly, our society has now become far removed from the "outdated" values that were embodied in the TV sitcoms “My Three Sons" and "Father Knows Best."

Today, too many TV dads are portrayed as buffoons, spineless and clueless and impotent in terms of their genuine power to affect and influence their children’s lives. In short, their role has been reduced almost solely to a sperm donor – much like a farmer who plants seeds and then abandons the farm. 

 

But both seeds and kids need nurturing, if they are to blossom. 

In poorer neighborhoods, misguided government policies have created welfare programs that banish fathers from the home so that the mothers of their children are tossed a few dollars, the better to support the children they surely didn’t produce by themselves!

 

The irony is that while these programs profess to be well intentioned and well meaning, they have failed! Their good intentions are lost on the child who yearns for his dad – but daddy has to remain "in the shadows" to insure that the welfare checks keep coming in the mail.

Olumide is blessed. He and his younger sibling, Bolahan, are being raised in a home with both their mom and dad, who are role models in spiritual, social and cultural behavior and norms. Many kids are not so lucky or blessed.

 

In my book, "Thoughts of A Proud American," I include a message to kids, because I have been where some of them are.

 

I have a special message for kids growing up in today's complex and sometimes incomprehensible world. Sometimes events occur in your life that, try as you might, you do not understand. Some adults, instead of caring for you, abuse and misuse you. Understand that these types of adults are the exception. Justice for you may be deferred or delayed, but rarely denied. 

 

Those of you who are fortunate to be the center of a loving home – with parents who love, nurture, nourish and respect you - learn to thank God every day for your parents. Mom and Dad may not always make sense from your perspective, but they truly know what is best for you. You will find this out when you later assume their roles and experience, your own "Eureka" moment.

 

We have already lost almost an entire generation of primarily young black men to gangs, drugs, and violence, precisely because of the lack of male role models in their lives. So what can we do to encourage our young males to develop into men, in whom genuine strength and tenderness are enveloped in one package – to develop into men who will cherish their own mothers, their sisters, and later their wives?

In addition to providing them with shelter, nourishment and educational opportunities, we should also nurture their souls. Just as we are encouraged to "stop and smell the roses," we should take a minute to acknowledge these kids for the unexpected but welcome acts of kindness they perform.

 

We should never take such acts for granted. Instead, we should acknowledge and encourage caring behavior towards the "gentler sex."

 

Thank you, Olumide! Thank you, Latimer! In your honor, I "commissioned" a poem for you.

 

May I Remove The Thorns From Your Roses?

By Don Striker and Don & Barbara Arnold-Herzer

 

A rose so beautiful with many thorns to dread,

A boy of tender years called out to me

Across the room I heard his voice but scarce believed his words.

May I for you this Mother’s Day to remove these thorns from your rose?

Who is this boy… a hero mine?

He could have played or laughed or left, but by my side he stayed.

I want to help remove the thorns – may I ma'am today? 

The chivalrous encounter of "may I remove the thorns from your rose" occurred on Mother's Day, but it is very apropos for this upcoming Father's Day. It is fathers who we expect to lead by example in the lives of their sons.

 

In honor of this Father's Day, please let us bring those fathers – who are virtually or totally missing from the lives of too many black children – back home. A home is a richer place in terms of what really is important – the "wealth" of love and caring – when both maternal and paternal role models are actively involved in raising the next generation of parents.

 

Some child who is going to bed tonight is wondering what he did wrong to drive his dad away. That child can be spared this guilt by the return of his "prodigal" father. Our government must find another, less socially and culturally divisive policy, to help families who need financial assistance. We cannot continue leaving boys without fathers – fathers who can and should show them how a real man conducts himself. It is not the swagger in the man. It is his thoughtfulness in holding a coat for a lady or in removing thorns from her rose. That is the foundation for a manly man.

 

Again, Olumide and Latimer, thank you for making the day of a woman who was not looking forward to Mother's Day – having recently lost my mother – a day of joy. You replaced my sadness with grace and care. I hereby say: "Yes" to your again removing the thorns from my rose next year. And yes to your agreeing with me that Father’s Day is equally as important as Mother's Day!